Thirteen years have past since seeing the man in
this story.
Eight of those years were an excruciatingly painful road to recovery, mostly from the humiliation.
29 November 2011 - I woke at one am from a dream.
He rang me
"Hello it is me, I had to ring." Then the phone went dead.
I called out "Ring me back."
But right then I saw a line trailing off into the distance made
up of tiny boxes, yet the boxes in front of me were falling off.
I heard a voice say
"Fletcher Dale is the sole beneficiary of Peter's will."
I woke up then wondering had he died?
Had the love of my life died - how could I find out?
But no, dreams were symbolic, sole could mean soul and will had more than one interpretation.
Still I was curious and tracked down the one person
I knew who may know if he were alive.
I would not be at all surprised if
someone had killed him. I had not seen or spoken to this woman
since 1996, except once when she rang me four years after I had finally ended it with him, saying
“Peter is obsessed by you, talking of you
constantly, I believe he keeps contact with me merely to
talk about you. Do you have a man in your life, would you like to see him."
”I said no and had heard no more except from a stranger a few years back who knew him. They
said he sold the motel for 5 million, it was pulled down, rebuilt and he had a penthouse or two
as part of the deal. That is where he lives......
When I rang today the woman said she has not seen him in six years, but she went on about how
he had been really obsessed by me, scared of me and had said that I had ruined his life.
She rang back an hour later to say she had found Peter's number, rang him, made small talk for a
few minutes then he said, "Have you heard from your mad friend?"
She responded with “I have her number, you can ask her yourself."
He hung up and the phone then went to answering machine.
How interesting he would ask her that when we have not seen each other since or spoken since 1996.
She then said "He was once terrified of you, and completely obsessed!"
Next day she rang back. Peter had phoned demanding she not tell me where
he lived, or his phone number.
She told him “She had a dream you died, and that she was going to inherit everything.”
He sneered how he would leave it to the dog house before leaving me
anything. He spoke of how I had tried
to destroy his business, sending faxes to
staff, how his mother would not even talk to me, how I had been
obsessed by him. How I had destroyed his life and he was just getting his life together......
I could hear in her words the same damaged soul. Peter had not changed one iota......
Next morning I got up and put an axe through the painting of him I had carried with me all those years,
I never wanted to destroy a thing I had created, but think now it was also me holding on.
I pondered the dream for a few days and came to see the line going off into the distance was our connection,
kept open by me because I was holding onto the love, I may not have the man but I did not want to lose the love.
The broken bits falling off the line represented the connection was broken.
WILL was in regard to his OVERPOWERING WILL (FORCE/MIGHT etc) rather than financial will.
And soul beneficary spoke of the growth I had made from this journey down the River Styx.
I am free, after 16 years, I am finally free!
I am sad the message the woman gave him only confirms his belief women
only want him for his money,
even in death. That is her reality not mine, yet why should I care?
Because I am human, I have a heart......... even if a little rusty!
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An Astrological Update November 2011
Transiting Saturn
is square my Moon – my emotional side has overruled my worldly groundedness
and
ambition for fourteen years. When I met
him I was full of enthusiasm to take on ---------
as an artist, to become known and recognised for what I do well. Somehow my ambition, Saturn,
Capricorn energy has been devoured by a hungry what?? What??? And Saturn aspects 8 planets in my chart.
Transiting Pluto was quincunx Mars and Uranus square Venus
The Sun is conjunct Venus in my solar return chart this year. The same aspect was in play the year I met Peter.
My solar arc progressions Saturn and Neptune are both at 18 Sagittarius - the eclipse 11 Dec 2011 also at 18
Sagittarius conjunct my natal Jupiter in eighth - the death of my attachment to Peter. and the end of karma with him.
All eclipses, whether
solar or lunar, have the potential to change your circumstances. Eclipses are
expressed through a
crisis of some kind, whether it is a real crisis or not, it
may feel very real to you. Many times a new beginning involves
letting go of
something from the past, whether it be a person, a relationship, an object, or
a behavior. This is especially
true during a lunar eclipse.
A lunar eclipse may
impact you emotionally as its energy is also directed inward. You may you feel
a sense of loss,
sadness, or depression, as the moon influences our moods and
our emotions. A lunar eclipse can remove something
from your life in order to
replace it with something more suitable for your current life\’s path. Letting
go of we have
grown accustomed can be a difficult process. During the time of
an eclipse we are asked to step out of our comfort zone
and experience
something that will be a stepping stone for our development as a human and
spiritual being. Trust that
whatever surfaces is important for you as you are
evolving into the person you were destined to become.The joining of
these two forces provides focus and promises a rebirth of spirit after a dark night of the soul.
I did a chart for the time of the dream and was stunned by the transits to Peter's chart - six almost exact aspects
Neptune 28:14 Aquarius exact oppositon to his Pluto at 28:14 Leo
Uranus 00:47 Aries trine his Uranus at 00:45 Leo
Chiron 00:47 Pisces opposition his Jupiter 00::40 Virgo
Jupiter 1:37 Taurus opposition his Neptune 00:16 Scorpio
Jupiter 1:37 trine his Jupiter 00:49 Virgo
Jupiter 1:37 inconjunct his Saturn 29:45 Scorpio